Running head: MY WEDDING CEREMONY 1

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Running head: MY WEDDING CEREMONY 1

MY WEDDING CEREMONY 5

Smarthinking Tutor Response Form

Your tutor has written overview comments about your essay in the form below. Your tutor has also embedded comments [in bold and in brackets] within your essay. Thank you for choosing Smarthinking to help you improve your writing!

Hello, Natalie! I’m Timothy H. I look forward to working with you on this Essay Center Review to improve your writing today. Let’s get started!

*Writing Strength:  Well done for arranging your narrative in chronological order with a focus on a particular event in each paragraph. This helps you develop your essay with a clear structure.

*Natalie 11148009, you requested help with Content Development:    In order for your memory of your wedding day to have relevance to your readers (i.e. to be worth sharing with your readers), you need to identify a lesson/moral for them. By way of illustration, if I was writing about going to hospital with a sinus infection, the lesson of my narrative might be to never dismiss or ignore a cold.

What then is the lesson to be learned from your narrative? What do you want your readers to gain from reading your essay? You need to state this directly in your conclusion.

Please see here for more information about narrative development.

*Natalie 11148009, you requested help with Organization:    Natalie, you need to give sufficient details to help your readers follow and understand the development of your discussion. For instance, consider the following extract:

The venue was booming as it was engulfed with noise where each person used various styles of expressing happiness. Some jerked while others buzzed.

Give a clearer explanation/elaboration on how people expressed their happiness. For instance, what do you mean by describing people as jerking or buzzing? You need to explain these expressions of happiness more fully to your readers. You can also give a few more examples to really convey the ‘variety’ of styles used. What can you add in this regard?

Where else do you need to give further details in your narrative?

Word Choice  Be accurate in your choice of word forms as these affect the clarity and meaningfulness of your writing. For instance, consider the following sentence:

Wedding guests’ cars had the uniform decorations which formed the wedding cortege and followed the newly wedding car to the venue.

In this sentence, you use the phrase “newly wedding car”. This doesn’t really make sense. It’s likely you either mean “newlyweds’ car” or “new wedding car”. Which is it?

Where else do you need to be more accurate in your choice of word forms? Summary of Next Steps: 

Natalie, as you work on the next draft of your essay, here’s a reminder of what you need to do:

· Develop your narrative towards a clear lesson/moral in your conclusion.  

· Give sufficient details in your narrative.  

· Be accurate in your choice of word forms.

Thank you for submitting your essay for a review. I enjoyed helping you with this step in the revision process. Have a good day! ~Timothy H.

You can find more information about writing, grammar, and usage in the Smarthinking Writer’s Handbook.

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Please look for comments [in bold and in brackets] in your essay below. Thank you for submitting your work to Smarthinking! We hope to see you again soon.

My Wedding Ceremony

Student’s Name

Institution Name

My Wedding Ceremony

My wedding ceremony was a great pleasure to all my family members and acquaintances since they still cherish the moment. The event was performed on December 20th where I drew immense gratification during the event. It was held in my church. I was the first person to begin the marriage ceremony in our family beforehand. Preparations for marriage began two months before the occasion. [Consider adding some element of emotional conflict in your narrative to make it more intriguing to your readers. What can you add in this regard?] My parents and I spent almost one-week making essential purchases like wedding hair accessory or veil, gold ornament, jewelry, undergarments and clothes for my siblings. Therefore, my wedding celebrations was a beautiful opportunity in my life.

The fleet of cars arrived in our home and I and my parents were driven to the church, where the congregation and groom were. The vehicle we boarded was decorated with white ribbon and flowers which was tied outside. Wedding guests’ cars had the uniform decorations which formed the wedding cortege and followed the newly wedding car to the venue. Guests, friends, and relatives were obliged to be in the church on time. The ushers directed the guests to their specific seats.

The groomsmen and bridesmaids stood nearby where the best man and maid of honor stood closest to my groom and me. I walked down the aisle wearing a veil and wedding dress. It was our turn to exchange the vows. The preacher said “dear congregation, we have gathered here today to witness the ceremony for Lucia and Anold in marriage. If a person feels that couples should not be in union through Holy Matrimony, hold your peace forever or speak now.” There was silence in the background. I was engulfed with bliss because no one disagreed with our marriage. [You need to indicate if you were really expecting anyone to have objections. What can you add in this regard?] When our turn to exchange our ring reached, I said, “let this ring be a symbol and reminder of my faith, my love and my covenant to grow and learn together, am honored to call you, my husband.” Then my groom said, “This ring I give you to symbolize love for you, may it remind you every moment that my enduring love engulfs you.” The crowd applauded and cheered at the same time. They started blowing whistles as a sign of demonstrating excitement. The congregation jumped up and down with great enthusiasm. The venue was booming as it was engulfed with noise where each person used various styles of expressing happiness. Some jerked while others buzzed.

We moved to the reception. The meal during the event was delicious. The cooks served meals to the guests and us. The day was awesome. Cold-drinks and fresh fruits were available for the guests. The wedding cake had its table and was decorated with ribbon, candles and flowers. It was raised with on a cake stand, and there was engraved knife or silver plated. [Be accurate with your word choices. For instance, you need to replace “or” with “and” in this sentence.] The photographers captured perfectly. The guests admired to snap their pictures when we cut the cake. It was a chocolate cake, sweet-smelling and pleasant flavor and seemed like a vintage Victorian cake.

We fed each other the first slice symbolizing the sign of commitment for each partner. I smashed cake to his face as I wiped up using rogue crumbs and frosted quickly. The ushers distributed cake to the crowd as the songs amused people. Many songs were played like All of Me by John Legend, Amazed by Lonestar and At Last by Etta James. Also, the music was performed by vocalists or instrumentalists and used pre-recorded songs. We smiled with great affection and adoration. The people were overwhelmed with awe and joy. Therefore, my wedding ceremony was a delightful experience which will always flow in my mind.Running head: MY WEDDING CEREMONY1Smarthinking Tutor Response FormYour tutor has written overview comments about your essay in the form below. Your tutorhas also embedded comments[in bold and in brackets]within your essay. Thank you forchoosing Smarthinking to help you improve yourwriting!Hello, Natalie! I’m Timothy H.I look forward to working with you on thisEssay CenterReviewto improve your writing today. Let’s get started!*Writing Strength:Well done for arranging your narrative in chronological order with a focus on a particularevent in each paragraph. This helps you develop your essay with a clear structure.*Natalie 11148009,you requested help withContent Development:In order for your memory of your wedding day to have relevance to your readers (i.e. to beworthsharing with your readers), you need to identify a lesson/moral for them. By way ofillustration, if I was writing about going to hospital with a sinus infection, the lesson of mynarrative might be to never dismiss or ignore a cold.What then is the lesson to be learned from your narrative? What do you want your readersto gain from reading your essay? You need to state this directly in your conclusion.Please seeherefor more information about narrative development.*Natalie 11148009,you requested help withOrganization:Natalie,you need to give sufficient details to help your readers follow and understand thedevelopment of your discussion. For instance, consider the following extract:The venue was booming as it was engulfed with noise where each person usedvarious styles of expressing happiness. Some jerked while others buzzed.Give a clearer explanation/elaboration on how people expressed theirhappiness. Forinstance, what do you mean by describing people as jerking or buzzing? You need to explainthese expressions of happiness more fully to your readers. You can also give a few moreexamples to really convey the ‘variety’ of styles used. What can you add in this regard?Where else do you need togive further details in your narrative?Word ChoiceBe accurate in your choice of word forms as these affect the clarity and meaningfulness ofyour writing. For instance, consider the followingsentence:Wedding guests’ cars had the uniform decorations which formed the wedding cortegeand followed the newly wedding car to the venue.Running head: MY WEDDING CEREMONY 1Smarthinking Tutor Response FormYour tutor has written overview comments about your essay in the form below. Your tutorhas also embedded comments [in bold and in brackets] within your essay. Thank you forchoosing Smarthinking to help you improve your writing!Hello, Natalie! I’m Timothy H. I look forward to working with you on this Essay CenterReview to improve your writing today. Let’s get started!*Writing Strength:Well done for arranging your narrative in chronological order with a focus on a particularevent in each paragraph. This helps you develop your essay with a clear structure.*Natalie 11148009, you requested help with Content Development:In order for your memory of your wedding day to have relevance to your readers (i.e. to beworth sharing with your readers), you need to identify a lesson/moral for them. By way ofillustration, if I was writing about going to hospital with a sinus infection, the lesson of mynarrative might be to never dismiss or ignore a cold.What then is the lesson to be learned from your narrative? What do you want your readersto gain from reading your essay? You need to state this directly in your conclusion.Please see here for more information about narrative development.*Natalie 11148009, you requested help with Organization:Natalie, you need to give sufficient details to help your readers follow and understand thedevelopment of your discussion. For instance, consider the following extract:The venue was booming as it was engulfed with noise where each person usedvarious styles of expressing happiness. Some jerked while others buzzed.Give a clearer explanation/elaboration on how people expressed their happiness. Forinstance, what do you mean by describing people as jerking or buzzing? You need to explainthese expressions of happiness more fully to your readers. You can also give a few moreexamples to really convey the ‘variety’ of styles used. What can you add in this regard?Where else do you need to give further details in your narrative?Word ChoiceBe accurate in your choice of word forms as these affect the clarity and meaningfulness ofyour writing. For instance, consider the following sentence:Wedding guests’ cars had the uniform decorations which formed the wedding cortegeand followed the newly wedding car to the venue.